He IS love

Nothing I Hold On To by Will Reagan

I lean not on my own understanding,
My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven

I Give it all to you God, 
Trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me

I will climb this mountain 
With my hands wide open
I will climb this mountain 
With my hands wide open

There is nothing I hold on to
There is nothing I hold on to
There is nothing I hold on to
There is nothing I hold on to

All Glory To God, Forever. Amen






Trusting that He'll make something beautiful out of me, 
Because I've tried over and over again to make something beautiful out of myself.
but keep failing.

I Give it all to you God.

Waves

Just got accepted to The world race. Feeling grateful and excited!

Mind bloggling

It seems almost impossible to keep promises to myself. Promise being that I would blog at least once a week. But whatevers, my life hasn't been that exciting anyways.

Today I wanted to blog about simple happenings of my life, as well as my toughts that overwhelm me randomly and clutter my mind throughout the day.
So here it goes.

1. I haven't quit my job. I don't really know why, and I try to convince myself that i'm ok there. That being said, I really don't want to talk much about my job, because as of late, I feel that thats all I do. complain complain complain. Is this how life is after post grad? are you suppose to automatically dread waking up to your alarm to face an 8 hour shift that totally seems meaningless to yourself & the world. sigh.

2. I applied for the world race. I DID IT. finally. I originally signed up to go in september, but decided that January would be more ideal. (well more like, I didn't want to be training while one of my closest 언니s from college was getting married, oh & my birthday) hah. but, it all works out. Gives me more time to think about how i'm going to pay off my loans. Anyways, while I was filling out my application, I was pretty stoked. Thinking about all the places I would go to & the ministries I would be able to take part in. BUT right when I submitted my app, my heart sort of literally stopped, and I was really confused. As if I was running away from having to grow up, & the responsibility I had to face in finding a secure job... blahblahblah. I still feel a little confused, but i'm not sure if its the devil kind of getting a foothold, or if this is something I should REALLY consider talking about. I mean, one year is a pretty darn long time. MEH, I have an interview this wednesday, so hopefully God can make my decision more clear after whatever I am faced with during my one hour talk with a complete stranger.

3. I haven't lost any weight. It's been one month with a personal trainer. I'm pretty sure i'm at the height of my weight. Depressing, I know. Anyways, i've been on a no carb diet since last month! I've been weight training three times a week & have been doing cardio atleast once or twice on my own throughout the week. My sister is doing the same thing, and has already lost 7 pounds. BUT ME, a petty single diget. ONE POUND. I was so pissed, I indulged in some of my favoite foods this weekend. But of course, I have to get back on track. I honeslty don't regret eating this weekend, but how do people live like this? ITS NOT FAIR T_T. I think its been really effecting me emotionally and physically. I've actually been running into a lot of people from the past. & for them to see me with my acne prone face and huge hips/tighs makes me want to shrink into a ball and hide in my room. The struggle is real, and daunting. To be honest, I grew up pretty spoiled emotionally when it came to looks. Up until highschool (this may sound very conceited and stupid) I was always poured with compliments. When I was younger, I wanted to be a freaking model for goodness sake. My grandma and other family memebers would always tell me that I could run for Miss Korea. HAH. hilarious now right, lol i'm short, stubby, and far to lax to even want to be Miss Korea. LOL. In middle school & highschool, I always had a boy crushing on me, and parents would always tell me how they wanted me as their daughter-in-law. You could imagine how big my ego was... I was confident, and pretty much nanchalant when it came to physical look. haha & then BAM, I entered my college years. I started gaining weight... too quickly. Not just a couple pounds but double digit numbers. I stressed so much about my weight & on top of that I started to break out like crazy. Pretty much a horror story. I really don't like to think much of it, but its quite scary how my mind started being consumed by this. My confidence level probably went down 90%, which effected my mood and lifestyle... basically this fight to become skinny is so dang hard. & I hate that no matter how much I desire to find my security in Christ & my confidence & identity in Him, I seem to fail far to often when it comes to my body. This sounds so cliche, so girly, and so dumb to me when I write it out... but why does the world have to keep telling me that i'm not (to what I translate in my mind), beautiful/pretty/skinny enough. Why do I think that if I lost only 20 more pounds, omg I could look good in any clothes! maybe someone can finally like me. (hah) my life would be much easier when it comes to meeting people and people actually caring! Seriously though, pretty girls have it SO EASY. I know how I need to react to this, and I know I need to be more in prayer... but sometimes, it just so hard. Writing this post really made everything even more real. I need to face this, with convindence that He can help me overcome.

Until next time,
--



Things I will write about in my next post, hopefully.

4. I got my phone stolen...again.

5. Inspiration

6. Travel Plan

April Adventure: Sequoia

This month I wanted to go somewhere in California. A place I have never been to. My original plan was to go up to Sequoia on Friday night and head to either Santa Barbara or Yosemite on sunday. However, we decided to just take a short trip to Sequoia instead because... Well, we didn't want to die at work on Monday. Nonetheless, we had a good time. Not to mention, probably saw the most breathtaking view of my life. 

We left at 11 pm on Friday night (seriously yolod it). Headed to LA to drop off a car, and started our journey towards Sequoia at 1:30am the next day. Total time of driving was probably 5 hours. But much to our dismay, the park was closed so we had to park our car near a campsite. Intended to wake up an hour or two later, but ended up knocking out in the car until 11am. Atleast we got our sleep. haha. (oh, we also really had to pee in the middle of the night, and just popped a squat. lol TMI, but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.)

Finally got into the park around 11:30 & drove another 1.5 hours to get to our destination. 

To be honest, I wasn't amazed. I still think redwoods OWNS Sequoia. BUT it was still nice to feel the breeze and be immersed in between trees. However, my friends thoroughly enjoyed the view, so I was happy. We jammed to some Korean hiphop/r&b (which i strangely am obsessed with lately) & some good old worship songs while driving up with our windows wide open. (imagine crisp wind blowing in your face.. ahhh happiness)

My favorite part of the trip was probably....

THE SNOW! I did NOT expect to see snow. & this wasn't no ski slope fake snow kind of stuff, it was fresh soft fluffy snow that I wanted to throw myself against. But decided against it, since I was only in a thin layer. heh. Anyways, I made a little snowman and even threw some snowballs. What a pleasant surprise it was.

The second best thing about this trip was the view. I don't quite remember what the mountain was called, but wow... WOW, was it amazing. When I went up, I didn't necessarily feel small (which usually happens when you're in the middle of a huge national park) but I felt over joyed & SO HAPPY. I felt like I could conquer the world.

I secretly think I belong in the woods somewhere. 

Maybe I was an indian in my past life (hah, kidding)

but seriously, 

I just want to camp out there for a month & make friends with the cute little chipmunks.

    

     

 

 

My love for the ocean